I saw my wife die – my biggest ordeal
(Twin Souls Part 1 of the true real time story of a ‘Twin Soul’ connection, and the search for unconditional love, truth, healing, attraction, and spirituality)
It’s been 95 days since my wife, Brenda José died on 23 December, 2013.
This is a true story of how Brenda José crossed-over to the afterlife, and started showing me continuous angelic or afterlife signs… one sign saved my aging father from near death, and another series of signs are related to MH370…
This is a story of how we met and the ‘Twin-Soul’ journey we shared together. As I take you on our odyssey (journey) of both our lives, events surrounding us, and whole new chapters unfolding and yet to be written since Brenda crossed over…
I had written about this on-going experience from the time of my first hearing the bad news that she was in a coma in ICU on 21 December, 2013. The writing then was very raw, filled with a roller coaster of emotions. I did not have time to reedit, spell check for typos, or refine my writing. Everyday I bared my soul as the event unfolded. My writing was immediate, spontaneous, confusing, overwhelming, controversial, repetitive, obsessive, and in-your-face. At first I just started by telling people the bad news in my Facebook and WordPress accounts. I knew many people especially her friends and thousands of our ChangeU graduates wanted to know the news as it unfolded.
Brenda and I were a unique dynamic co-coaching duo from 2000 to 2012. In the West professional corporate and personal growth coach couples are fairly common, but in Asia it’ s rare. Brenda and I made it look easy, but believe me it’s extremely difficult for married couples to be co-coaches. Especially when both of us are ‘alphas‘ i.e. alpha female and alpha male who have very strong characters and fight and stand for what we believe in. She mainly played ‘bad cop’ and I played ‘good cop’ in coaching. Now I play both, as she ‘comes in and out’ of my unconscious mind.
She was my partner in crime and my COO of ChangeU. Readers initially were captivated as they read my blog.
Then the tone got serious, sometimes dark, sometimes enlightening, sometimes downright scary, sometimes witty, sometimes disturbing, sometimes wacky… It probably scared off some of the readers. The intensity of my writing grew and grew. I couldn’t stop. Brenda was conversing with me from the other side… I was writing more for myself than for others – to make sense of what’s happening, to be sane and grounded in reality…
Brenda and I were ‘Twin-Souls‘. Twin-Souls have a much deeper connection than soul-mates. They have a very strong common mission to fulfill while on Earth. We were married on 27 April, 1996 in Hong Kong. Brenda was a Portuguese Hong Konger and I am Chinese Malaysian.
We had no children. We have 2 goddaughters Stella, Suyi, and 1 godson Todd. She has 1 extra goddaughter Syndy, while I have 1 extra goddaughter Flora. But we have thousands of ‘graduate children‘ from our corporate, personal growth, and spiritual learning programs.
The events moved real fast over the Christmas week 2013 in Hong Kong. I could only ‘see a few feet’ ahead of me i.e. I did not know what’s coming up next, if anything. I could only connect a few of the dots as it unfolded. It took a lot out of me to write and share publicly many of the most extremely painful realizations and raw feelings. I told the readers if they are the type who prefer to read a refined, well thought through, and formatted version then they should wait for 2 to 3 months’ time (which happens to be now). I documented everything as it unfolded with exact time log, photos, and videos – for future reference and analysis.
Writer’s temptation to glorify or sensationalize the facts and reality
I did not want to have a writer’s temptation to glorify or sensationalize scenes to make it far more interesting and way too incredible than the reality was. I want to blog immediately – in raw spontaneous version, and documented everything, so that no one can accuse me of grossly exaggerating or distorting the truth.
Just like many survivors felt that Stephen Spielberg’s ‘Schindler’s List‘ glorified Oskar Schindler to almost saint-like when the survivors reported that he was just an ordinary human being at the right place and right time to use the window of opportunity to save more than a thousand Polish Jews. I wanted to document the proof and evidence that I was not imagining things, or having a grandiose episode. The truth is deep down I was very, very scared because I was posting my daily blog in public – in raw unedited form.
It went against my professionalism as the CEO of ChangeU. My CFO and best friend Yong Min Jie strongly advised me not to blog publicly about my experiences with Brenda after she crossed over. By blogging publicly I was subjected to ridicule, shame, judgments, being misunderstood or labeled cuckoo. I could lose some of my corporate clients and support from the ChangeU Alumni graduate base. I told Min Jie that I couldn’t do that, I wanted to write the truth. Most importantly, I had promised GOD and Brenda to be her instrument tool on Earth 3 minutes before she died, if not she wouldn’t go. And that I was willing to pay the price of my actions.
Test of GOD
I will share what happened to Brenda, what she died of, and the dramatic events on the day of her death. I will share my story of how GOD let me see my wife Brenda die slowly over 23 hours and 23 minutes.
This Test of GOD was the hardest, most traumatic ordeal I ever had to go through in my life.
Seeing Brenda die broke my heart, but transformed my spirit.
I didn’t understand at that time that passing this test means GOD can bring me to any situation where people will be face to face with death, failing health, lost hope, rage, unforgiveness, depression, suicide… and help them go through it and heal themselves. Because I had seen death personally, I would not be shocked when I’m helping people face and move on from death or crisis situations.
This Test of GOD of seeing my wife die would be the first and most important Test of a total of 6 Tests of GOD so far as I can comprehend with my very limited human understanding.
Published: Friday, 28 March, 2014, 4:44am.
Updated: Saturday, 5 April, 2014, 9:45pm.
(updates are expanded regularly which will form the basis of a book)
[Continued in… @Part 2]