Dying Body: No one suspected Brenda was dying, my nasty bicycle accident and separation.
My nasty bike accident
This was that time at the end of 2007 when I had the most nasty bicycle accident near the front of One World Hotel when I was knocked unconscious for 15 minutes or so. I had brain concussion. Luckily I did not remember how I had the accident if not I would relive the nightmare in my mind.
From what I could connect the dots the front wheel was jammed in one of the grooves in the metal cover across the road. Luckily no truck was behind as it might had rolled over my body.
Wham! I hit my head and knuckles full on to the road surface. The skin of my knuckles of both hands were scraped off. I still have scars in some of my knuckles. There was a cut across my face from my chin, lips to my nose and eye brows.
I lost my two front teeth. The ambulance took me to University Hospital Kuala Lumpur at around 8:30pm on Saturday, 29 December 2007. I had to undergo 2 hours of dental surgery. I had more than 12 local injections in and around mouth from the Israeli dentist to make the 40+ stitches inside my mouth and on my upper lips.
The scariest part was after they MRI scan my brain – my first time ever. They told me the results that there are no visible signs of internal brain injury. Ah… my thick short neck (16.5 inches) finally had a great use – it prevented me from having a broken neck or paralysis.
I thank God for saving my life.
I had vertigo. I could not lift up my head. I threw up the hokkien mee dinner all over my trolley bed. The nurses did not clean it, and I did not complain. I moved to one half of the bed.
I did not tell anyone including my parents for 3-4 days. Brenda was in Hong Kong for Christmas.
I’m the type that who would rather die alone than drag other people to sympathize with me.
Brenda moved 6 kilometres away in a flat in Kota Damansara. I was so lonely and sad. I would make excuses to visit her every weekend, watch TV, eat, and then sleep in the same bed.
One time I stayed over for 3 days and left SunDance our Golden Retriever alone back in my semi-detached house with food and water.
She moved back to my current house after 3 months and it was a great two years after that. Then in 2010 I felt I wanted to do things by myself i.e. go solo. I wanted to revive my personal growth workshop called “Papillon Metamorphosis”, butterfly in French. I rented a big space 2,000 square feet on the third floor of Atria Shopping Centre, Damansara Jaya, Malaysia.
I spent a lot of money to make it a full training ChangeU Center – new plush carpet, RM250 high end 5-star hotel grade chairs, Bose PA system imported from USA worth half a Myvi car.
I felt I wanted to do Papillon by myself and after some arguments I called it quits with our marriage.
Our second separation in 2010
When we separated in 2010 Brenda had a breakdown. She went for psychiatric help and got psycho-therapy from a great psychiatrist who diagnosed her to have long term depression. He did NOT detect any Borderline Personality Disorder. I was relieved.
I had forgiven Antonietta since. Brenda told me later Antonietta suspected I was Borderline. No, I’m not. I’m a mild Bipolar II Disorder (a mood disorder). Some of her seemingly critical professional psychological opinions were wrong.
Brenda was heart-broken when we separated in 2010. She told me once in a while that her life had no meaning without me. She was depressed. We continued to work as Co-Coaches.
Our third separation in 2013
Things were not going well in 2012 for us. We had very different opinions about coaching and we were not so aligned. I lost my iPhone in a taxi after a fight. Then around Christmas 2012 over a small incident I pondered for 1 week and told her on New Year’s Eve 2012 that I wanted to totally break away from working with her. She then decided to go back to Hong Kong and take care of her aging parents.
I told her that I was not good for her as I’m Bipolar and that our arguments were too fierce even though we never hit each other in our years together. We are “Alphas” and both were very dominant, opinionated, and tough on the outside.
I planned a farewell party cum networking reunion on 22 January. Brenda left for Hong Kong on 4 February 2013.
She did fine in the first 2 months. She was very excited to find a new career. She applied to work in the best naturopath medicine practice in Central but she did not get it. Maybe she was over-qualified.
Hell conditions at her parent’s home
The conditions at her parents’ home became like hell. Her father did not allow her to move or change furniture in her tiny 8X8 feet bedroom. She had fights with her Dad and he accused her of all sorts of things. Her Dad was 92 years old, and quite blind and paranoid about wasting electricity and many small trivial things.
She took good care of her Mum and she got better. Her mother had 5 strokes already.
The parents’ maid was horrible and manipulative. She was lazy and refused to cook for her. Brenda had a few years ago gave her HK$15,000 as a unconditional gift to clear her debts so that she won’t get it from loan sharks. Somehow the maid convinced Brenda’s Dad to give her HK$50,000. Her dad would side the maid than Brenda. The maid would cry crocodile tears and complain that Brenda was bullying her.
In hindsight, I think Brenda lost her will to live. She deteriorated in health and got weaker and weaker. When she came and stayed with me in Kuala Lumpur in October 2013 she was sick, could not eat, and was very thin. I had seen her thinner, once at 72 pounds so I did not think she was dying. She hardly saw any friends in October.
No one suspected that she was dying.
Her known last interaction with friends was with her good friend Edward about 3 weeks before she died. She did not speak like she was dying any time soon in October.
Brenda’s last day of consciousness: Thursday 19 December, 2013
I did not talk to her after our last chat in 20 October 2013. Things suddenly became very busy for me.
Then I heard from my brother Andrew that Brenda’s Dad called him to inform me that she was in ICU on Saturday 21 December. I called her dad and he said that she coughed some brown fluid on Thursday. She refused to go hospital. When her dad called the ambulance, she pulled out the phone wire from the socket.
I think Brenda then knew her end was very near. She wanted to die. She always wanted to die before me – we promised each other when we got married.
She never wanted to see me die first. She had previously “saw” me die in a past life regression session which she said was the most horrible thing to go through.
Turns out I had to see Brenda die over 23 hours, 23 minutes in a coma and feeling helpless. It was the most traumatic ordeal I had ever had to go through in my life.
Her Dad then secretly phone for an ambulance. She was admitted to ICU, Rutonjee Hospital. She had MRI scan which showed her intestines were perforated. Before going into surgery on Friday she went into a coma until her death 3 days later.
The surgeons did their best but the toxic from the perforated intestines had damaged her internal organs. She had multiple organ failure i.e. kidney, liver, lungs. She was on full life support. She couldn’t even breathe without the respirator, a breathing apparatus. Although she was in a coma, she could hear us.
Four machines were pumping medicine to keep her heart alive. A kidney machine was used until 1:00am on the day of her death. They had to unplug the kidney machine as her body was too weak and it would quicken her death. That’s when I receive the dreaded call to come to ICU as I was told she could die within half an hour, or the latest by early morning.
The darkest night of the Winter Solstice
It was the dark night and the longest night of the Winter Solstice of 22 December. According to the Chinese it’s extremely difficult to survive the Winter Solstice night. But Brenda survived to meet her Hong Kong friends and to hear the messages by handphone.
Brenda was dying a slow death towards the final heart failure
From 2:45pm I could see and hear one by one of the 4 life support machines went bleep as the last medicines went empty. It was extremely nerve-wrecking.
From 3:08pm her heart rate went X and then 0 with a slight bleep. I posted in Facebook that her heart rate is X. Everyone thought she had died.
But she did not die for another 3½ hours. Not until I promised her that I’ll be her Twin-Soul connection on Earth and surrender to her as an human instrument for her Angelic missions.
Published: Sunday, 29 June, 2014, 10:35pm