As a giver I find it extremely hard to ask for help.

It could be a combination of shame, unable to let go, inability to surrender, helplessness, being self-orientated, depression, but not pride. I have called a suicide hotline twice only. But I wasn’t suicidal, and do not have suicidal tendencies. I once promised my doctor brother Andrew that if ever I become dangerously suicidal or excessively depressed, I would check myself in psychiatric hospital.

The first time I was in a bad period of conflict with my late wife Brenda Jose. Both of us have strong Alpha characters. I desperately needed to talk to somebody. I had very few close friends when we moved form Hong Kong to Malaysia. It really helped. And it lead to my first physical separation with my late wife. In hindsight running a business partnership as Co-Coaches in ChangeU, and living and working 24/7 SOHO was not socially healthy.

She moved out nearby but I would visit her in weekends and stay the night, leaving behind my golden retriever SunDance food and water. After 3 long months she moved back.

The second time I called a suicide hotline was the worst month of my life i.e January 2021. That month I was sued RM8 million or US$2 million over an investigative journalist article., I lost my most precious belonging my wedding ring during the funeral of an aunt, I was broke from no business in Covid, and I just had my 5th Cheating Death Experience (CDE). I called Befrienders, but they were not open because of Covid. Later I talked to a junior colleague and it really helped me find a way out.

Subsequently I settled the RM8 million defamation suit inside the Shah Alam High Court, without paying a cent or using a lawyer. I didn’t find my weeding ring. I realized that it was a symbolic letting go of my attachment to Brenda. Losing business and living in semi-poverty was the best thing that happened to me. It made me more mindful, more grateful, more resourceful and creative to design new masterclasses, and new business models which are now my new business and spiritual focus.

A year later on 5 January 2022 I had my first NDE (Near Death Experience). I nearly choked to death. I felt I was given another second chance in life.

@The Law of Repulsion. Asking is an action, not a thought.
@Spiri Sanctuary. Asking is the most powerful way to growth.

Written by: Robren
Published on: 30 January 2023.

#suicide   #Help  #NDE   #defamation    #investigativejournalist   #test #ghost