A short story satire about how a distant planet went from the innocence of The Force to The Dark Side.

Far far away in a distant galaxy, the world was innocent, humans walked around freely, faces were shown, humans shake hands, children and friends were hugged and kissed, THE FORCE was strong in this one Earth.

But suddenly the Evil Lord Darth Virus, in just a few short weeks, brought humans to the DARK SIDE, spread his new C-19 Virus throughout the Universe, fears reside in the dark reaches of the human mind, the cancer of paranoia spreads in all societies and islands in the stream, wildlife chicks were free but in dire straits.

Then a low ranking Stormtrooper Wuhan Dr LW start warning of a C-19 attack by the Evil Lord Darth Virus but he was shut down and censored, weeks passed by as C-19 Virus spread like wild fire, Stormtroopers died like flies, then Lord XJ declared Wuhan a complete lockdown 4 days after a massive Chinese New Year dinner for 10,000 Stormtrooper families was hosted in great pomp and pageantry, then followed by lockdown in all major China cities except Hong Kong, but Hong Kong waited and waited until protest strikes forced Lady Curry Lamb to close Hong Kong borders to its Grandmasters, the United Single Party of Ancient Chinese Civilization (USPACC), later Stormtrooper LW became a Hero for Free Speech like Stormtrooper Tank Man 31 years ago.

At first it was the desire, the deep craving, the mad rush to queue for hours for a few masks in the far far land of Hong Kong, the world laughed at crazy Stormtrooper Hongkongers once again, but in one short week, the world couldn’t beat it, they joined them instead, and in just one fine day masks disappeared from shelves and shops around the world, the first time in recorded human history, the factories in China did not have workers to produce more masks as they have still not returned from The Great Spring Leap Year Festival of Year 2020.

But no one saw it coming, the Great Toilet Roll StarWars (GTRS) had begun, the Toilet Roll Stormtroopers began their offensive drive to control any owners of Toilet Land, they hoarded and stacked supplies of Toilet Rolls to the ceiling, they wanted more and more, Toilet Rolls were more precious and valued than paper money, then the unthinkable happened, three Toilet Stormtroopers robbed a Mongkok Wellcome store of 600 Toilet Rolls back in the La La Land of Hong Kong, how low can Stormtroopers go, as low as the Frogs swimming in the dark brown mud and cesspool.

How now brown cow, humans asked. In pockets around the Universe, mutiny and coup d’état were in the foul air.

Moo, cried Lord Moo, and with Rising Star Lord AA formed a nearly all Bumi-Tribe alliance against other non-Bumi Alien Rebels and used the “Worm Hole Backdoor” passage to secure the Toilet Roll Land of Malesia, Lord Moo whose Chinese name is 没希望, which means no hope, the young Foxes convinced the old Frogs to join forces, removed Lord LGE and his D-Rebles and surprised the twice Lord MM, and took over the lordship of Malesia in a Game of Thrones.

As Lord Darth Virus sprayed his deadly C-19 Virus, and declared sweeping powers in the Universe, with big Universe sports events, conferences, and trade fairs cancelled, Stormtrooper Celebrities and Stormtrooper Politicians became infected with the C-19 Virus, the Bull Market turned into the Bear market, Stormtrooper workers were told to work from home to help their children study at home, worshippers were told not to pray at home, while the last, the biggest Galaxy Games still stubbornly keep the Flames of the 5 Lord of The Rings burning in the Toilet Roll Land of the Rising Sun.

Is it worth it, this Toilet Roll Royce StarWars?

Lord DJT thinks so. The Sequel begins.


Robert Chaen is a change strategist, corporate coach, headhunter, writer, and a pastime investigative journalist. So far he only bought one toilet roll, and doesn’t wear any mask.

The Toilet Rolls Royce StarWars Has Begun