The Malvengers Civil War: The old wise fox Dr M VS. the greedy fox Najib
– based loosely on a true story, 50% is fictitious
Film Genre and Category: Fantasy. PG Parental Guidance.
(movie title and slogan by Robert Chaen; the author of this creative script below is unknown)
Be warned that some phrases may offend (but there are no profanity) thin-skinned humorless readers. Please don’t proceed further if you can’t handle satire and jokes.
Movie Script for this Summer’s Blockbuster Hollywood Movie:
Dr M’s unnaturally long life was the result of a curse placed by the Spirit of the Moon, Nik Aziz, that he may walk the earth forever till he sees the Monster of BN fall. In his later years the doctor would grow weary of life, yet life would not leave him. His heart had stopped beating on multiple occasions, and yet by the power of the IJN, it continued.
When the Rainbow Avatar, Anwar Ibrahim, found his powers outmatched by BN in the satay fields of Kajang, Dr M realized that salvation will never come from the hands of Heroes, no matter how Bersih they are. For no hero can oppose the might of the C4 Detonation Lady Rosmah, or the armies of the Federal Reserve Unit.
I built this monster, Dr M realized. Through it I ruled the Multiracial Land by Divide and Conquer. I have moved on, but the monster continues. Only in me is there power to unmake it.
Visiting the Citadel of the Lims, Dr M apologized for all the blood he has spilled. And for putting both of them in jail previously. “If I save the country from the God of Negativity, Najib, will I finally rest in peace?” The Lims answered.
“For half a century we have fought the likes of You. We’ve always lost. Yet now is no time to revisit past quarrels. You are the only one of us who cannot be killed or imprisoned. For you are 92 years old. The protective magic of Public Opinion will not allow BN to harm you.”
And so Dr M received the Flaming Sword of 1MDB to fight the darkness.
“You cannot win,” the Prophets at Merdeka Centre said. “The monster has grown too strong even for the likes of you. And there is a Spoiler, the Taliban fanatics, who will complicate things for you.”
“If I lose, I die. Which is good. I have been trying to rest for some time. But the spirits of those I murdered won’t let me join them. I am cursed. A terrible curse.”
Dr M drew his sword and struck the gates of Johor. The birthplace of BN has never been breached, and yet it could not hold back the doctor’s tsunami. The water overflowed into the Nine Pocket Realms, and they too were overcome despite not being the target. Najib could only look on in shock.
BN’s own BR1M counterattacks in Selangor and Penang were easily stopped. The Lims could not be bribed. And Azmin Ali could, but the price was not high enough.
The God of Negativity, Najib, called out to Dr M. “You cannot win. For I have gerrymandered the crap out of Sabah and Sarawak. They will keep my power alive.”
“Oh my sweet summer child, my former apprentice, I taught you everything you know about gerrymandering. You will need more skills than that to deal with the likes of Me. “
Najib looked at Sabah again, and was surprised to see an unknown army of Warisan natives suddenly materialize out of the forest to wreak havoc. Where did these monkeys come from, Najib wondered. Now I cannot retreat there.
“Take me north”, Dr M commanded his GrabCar driver. “Take me to Langkawi.”
As he travelled along the North-South Highway Dr M saw a commotion. He asked his taxi driver what is going on.
“The people have rebelled against BN rule, doctor. They heard about what you did in Johor and overthrew their masters here.”
“And where exactly is here?”
“Malacca.” At this Dr M’s aged lips curled into a smile. The oldest state in the Multiracial Lands. Fitting tribute to an old man like him.
“Reports are Perak is in rebellion too, doctor.” Dr M scoffed. “Perak is always in rebellion. But did they win?”
“No doctor. They destroyed BN there but were unable to take over. So it’s lawless now.”
“That works. Anarchists remaining in anarchy. Many frogs there. You can never stop a frog from jumping.”
Dr M arrived in Langkawi, Kedah to be welcomed by a massive crowd of Hopeful Warriors. “Citizens, I was born in this state. Hence here is where the final battle will take place.”
BN’s forces soon arrived. A huge army of water cannons, riot gear, and corrupt lawyers. Even The Third Force, The Taliban, appeared. Everyone is here, Dr M realized. He looked into the shadows and realized even the dead are here. He could almost see the face of the late Nik Aziz.
Dr M raised the sword of 1MDB against the darkness, sighed, and then casually dropped it. For righteousness, hope, love, none of these have power here. This is my birthplace. The Rice Shadow Lands. I cannot fight using 1MDB.
“How will you defeat two armies without a weapon, Dr M?” Najib sneered.
“You think Death is your ally, Najib. And yet Death runs from me. I cannot be killed. I’ve tried, and yet it eludes me.”
Dr M then took on the combined armies of BN and the Taliban by himself. As the minions soon discovered, they could not do anything to him. Their ranks slowly dwindled. The fight went on all night. BN still had power in the morning but they realized it would be an endless war against the doctor.
“Its time to surrender. You know how this ends. Drag it out if you want, but you’ve already lost everywhere except in two states. Perlis, the tiny kingdom. Pahang, the national park. It is almost cute.”
Dr M even allowed himself the privilege of laughing like a supervillain for a bit. Hey, I am not a hero. Saving the Multiracial Lands is just an ironic twist of fate.
Najib trembled in fear as he knew what had to be done. The doctor was far too powerful for him and there was no weapon evil enough to unseat him. The master of evil, now the master of good also. The only man fit to rule the Multiracial Lands.
“I surrender. Now do I go to jail?”
“No. At least, not yet. I am finally free of my curse. I declare a day of Rest.”
As the two Lim knights appeared in the horizon, coming to escort the victorious Dr M to the capital, the doctor had one last thought.
“Actually make that…two days of rest.”
Note: Movie Producers and Investors wanted.
As this a fictitious fantasy movie script, Anti-Fake News Laws do not apply.
The names and lands in movie are fictitious, coincidental, and are not related to any real persons.
Published on 15 May 2018.