Happy 22nd Anniversary Brenda

22nd Anniversary - Brenda's Love Notes

Happy 22nd Anniversary Brenda (27 April)

Brenda and I used to write Love Notes to each other. 
I just found some of Brenda’s Love Notes to me somewhere in her folders.
Her nickname for me is Boopy, hee hee.

I made our self-designed marriage vows with Brenda that in sickness and in health I would take good care of her, and vice versa.

She had Crohn’s disease for 20 years, and died from it (perforated intestines) in 2013. Crohn’s disease is a very rare inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). It causes inflammation of the digestive tract, which can lead to abdominal pain, severe diarrhea, fatigue, weight loss and malnutrition.

When I first met her in 1994 in a spiritual workshop in Hong Kong, she already had Crohn’s disease but it was not diagnosed for more than 1 year. She was one of the first Hong Kongers to be diagnosed with Crohn’s disease.

When she had a bad episode she would vomit more than 10 times per day, and diarrhea too. Her inflamed intestines could only absorb a fraction of nutrients which resulted her being very skinny (some people mistook it for anorexia). Her lowest weight was 32 kilograms (72 lbs) – seeing her so thin was too unbearable.

Because of Crohn’s she always had a slight fever – the faulty gene trick the body that it is under attack, and fever is the body’s natural defense against infection. Andrew, my doctor brother describes Crohn’s as a ‘mini-SARS’, an over-immunity. It’s like the over-immunity is ‘shooting’ inside its own internal body through fever, and rejecting even water or food as an enemy resulting in diarrhea and vomiting – on both ends of the digestive system. If SARS is like an assault rifle then Crohn’s is like a handgun shooting single shots inside the body.

The good thing was she didn’t get flu.

But Brenda didn’t let Crohn’s disease define her. Most friends, clients, and graduates were not aware of her sickness and regular pain. She didn’t whine or complain. Her Adversity Quotient was very high (dealing with crises and daily adversities).

I would cook for us, and mainly I would go out and bring cooked food home. In Malaysia I would cycle in the hot mid-day sun to bring her favorite food. Sometimes she would not eat what she ordered as it was not going down well.

I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t force herself to eat in our early years… until one day when I had a bad diarrhea, fatigued, I didn’t want to eat anything, and was turned off by the very sight of any food. She said that’s how she felt when she was not well

I would massage her to relieve her pain. Or make a hot water bag for her tummy.
For the longest time I felt so helpless that I couldn’t do enough to relieve her suffering from Crohn’s disease. But she told me that all my little gestures, massages, and kind, encouraging words helped her a great deal.

DONE alpha

She helped countless friends, family, relatives, people and graduates in her life.
But only a tiny handful really knew she needed help too.
Because she appeared so strong and invincible, when she was in her own really down periods, no one came and helped her. They were ‘too busy’ to notice, caught up in their own worlds. Friends were in denial that sometimes she too needed help.
She felt so abandoned in those times of great need.
I know what she felt.

Taking care of Brenda was one of my biggest life lessons.
It gave me meaning and purpose.
Brenda inspired me to have unconditional love, truth, and light.
She continues to inspire me from The Afterlife.

I married Brenda for true love – not for beauty, lust, money, power, greed, status, security, heritage, or control.

I was actually more of a house-husband and I was happy playing the role. We were Co-Coaches in ChangeU for 12 years (2000 to 2012) and she was my business partner.

Happy Anniversary Brenda
I love you so much.
Thank you for taking good care of me, my Guardian Angel, my Twin Soul.

 

Two of Us & SunDance
8th Anniversary (2004): Brenda & I and SunDance, our Golden Retriever in Sau Wa Fong, Wanchai, Hong Kong. 


#CrohnsDisease
#RobertAndBrendaAnniversary

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By Robrenda
Published on 27 April 2018 (22nd Anniversary day)
Copyright 2018 ©

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Robert Chaen

Global CEO-Founder of ChangeU and Movsha Movers & Shakers, Hero-CEO Whisperer, Writer, The #1 Alpha Change Expert, Father of Asian FireWalking Robert Chaen is an International Keynote Speaker, writer, researcher, and corp games designer. He is famously known to be the “Hero-CEO Whisperer”, 1-on1 coaching with many CEOs and Celebrities for corporate strategies, staff & office political issues, personal branding, and even public figure OSHA safety drilling called Drager Defense. He has transformed CEOs and managers in Coca-Cola China, TVB Hong Kong, Cathay Pacific, Hong Kong Airport Services, VADS, TM, Public Bank, Auditor General's Office Maldives, etc. He is the prolific creator and online Author of innovative management tools such as DragonCEO, Diamond Leader, Papillon Personal Effectiveness, OSHA Drager Defense, KPI Bank, etc. He is also the Founder of Movsha, an international networking with monthly mingles with MOVers & SHAkers, Angels, Entrepreneurs, CEOs, Celebrities, HR-PR-CSR, HODs, and the Most Influential IDEA people. ​Chaen is widely considered as one of the top International Platform Keynote Speakers for Resorts World Genting Senior Management Conference (Manila), 7-Eleven HK, Samsung, Coca-Cola China Mini-MBA @Tsing Hua University, Cathay Pacific, Hong Kong Jockey Club, The Story Conference where he interviewed Datuk Kamarudin (Chairman of AirAsia) and Siti Nurhaliza. He has been widely featured in TVB, AWSJ, CNBC, SCMP, The Star, and Sin Chew. As “The Father of Asian FireWalking”, he coached TVB celebrities (Ekin Cheng Yee-Kin) to walk on 650°C fire; and raised HK$68M in the world’s 1st and only live TV Charity FireWalk (TVB Tung Wah Charity Show), before Tony Robbins even came to Asia. If Robert can get you to walk on 650⁰C fire, he can inspire you to be THE BEST. He champions CN-HK-EU-US Tycoons to be philanthropic, and to be angel investors to support the next generation of Jack Mas, Steve Jobs, Richard Bransons, Steven Spielbergs, or Barrack Obamas. With some slick motivational speakers with fake doctorates out there, graduates often describe Robert to be "the most credible, empowering, truthful Coach" who believe in his graduates to believe in themselves. ​However, clients have described Robert as "The #1 Cool Badass Alpha Change Expert". He has the coolest first class stature, rapport and trust from clients. He will not hesitate to tell the badass truth ever so gently because clients are paying him big bucks to reveal the truth, find solutions, persuade the hostile HODs, and align cross-teams within the organization. Originally based in Hong Kong for 20+ years, he had worked with top Branding/Ad agencies at J Walter Thompson and Leo Burnett, and was a certified FranklinCovey (7 Habits) in USA, and NLP MasterCoach (USA). His warmth is known to soften the most hardened, resistant sceptics. He will inspire your team to Go for Top 1, or to be a Dragon CEO. With boundless energies, Robert owns 15+ successful business Joint-Ventures, and created unique products under his global VC network called Chaen's Angels VC. He is deeply passionate about ChangeUTH Youth CSR, Science-Based Medicine (vs. quackery), short films and Reality TV. Touched by a personal tragedy through the loss of his HK-born Portuguese wife, co-coach and business partner, Brenda José of 18 years, Robert explores the many ways in which the spirit world is communicating with the living with real scientific studies and evidence. He gives inspiring conferences on The Secret Afterlife.

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