Why HALALing Everything had gone Sharia-Crazy in Asia [WARNING: This is NON-Halal Satire]

Why HALALing Everything had gone Sharia-Crazy in Asia
[WARNING: This is NON-Halal Satire]

The original purpose of “NON-HALAL” Labelling is for FOOD ONLY.



Why are crazy Islamofascists in Asia insisting on Halaling Everything:
Click links (highlighted in blue) for actual news articles.

Halal paint brushes
Halal Taxis (don’t laugh some “halal taxis” will refuse to carry you if you carry a suspicious non-halal lunch box)
Halal Airlines (Rayani Air died after 3 months)
Halal Hookers (click if you don’t believe: https://goo.gl/SGpocz )
Halal Hospitals (e.g. no alcohol swabs)
Halal Medicine
Halal War
Halal Afterlife (no one has confirmed this yet)
Halal Phone (approved by Zahir Naik)
Halal Apple Products (not designed by Tim Cook, a gay)
Halal Laptop (sorry no porn for Kelantanians, the biggest porn users in the most Halal State)
Halal Cinema (in Kelantan State, Malaysia)
Halal Hug (virtual air hug, no touch)
Halal Handshake (air handshake, no touch)
Halal Martial Arts (no touch MA, don’t believe click: https://goo.gl/lnGyAg )
Halal Tango (no touch Tango)
Halal Disco (same sex dancing floor, no gays or lesbians)
Halal Gambling
Halal Casino / Halal Poker 

Halal Banking Interest
Halal Education


Halal Team Building (no contact, same sex classes)
Halal Leadership (no Non-Muslim Leaders)
Halal IT Mall (no smoking, no Non-Muslims, No Dell, Cisco owned by Jews…) click here failure of Malay-Muslim only IT Mall (“Low Yat 2”)
Halal Petshop (no dogs, no guinea pigs, only Cats)
Halal Hair Saloon (you wash your own hair, hair scissors are 2 feet long)
Halal Corruption & Stealing
Halal Coins (washed daily)
Halal Banknotes (washable)
Halal Christmas (no X’mas decorations in Brunei)
Halal Divali Greetings (no mention of any Hindu Gods, pm only, no visible post)
Halal Condolences (no “RIP” wishes)
Halal Angpow/Lai See
Halal Killing (ask IS)
Halal/ Sharia-imposed Shopping Trolleys


Halal University (no non-Muslims e.g. UiTM)
Halal Hotel
Halal Pub (mocktails only)
Halal Wine (no alcohol)
Halal Cigarettes
Halal Toys (no Barbie invented by a Jew Ruth Handler…)
Halal Property
Halal Neighbors
Halal Friends
Halal Outlets & Business (only buy from Muslims, BOYCOTT Pork-eating or Jewish Businesses click here for Jewish American Businesspeople)
Halal Investments (no tobacco, casino, pork…)
Halal Launderette   click here
Halal Uber (no women drivers like Saudi Arabia)
Halal Voters (no women voters in Jordan)
Halal House (not a single cross-looking object or cross window)
Halal Finance (no Jews like Rothchilds, Soros…)
Halal Food Retail (no Baskin-Robbins, Starbucks, Sara Lee, Dunkin’ Donuts…)
Halal Social Media (no Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn…)
Halal News (no Bloomberg…)
Halal Hot Dog
Halal Dog (99% wrapped in plastic so you can still pat it)
Halal Pig (a self-cleaning, toilet-trained pig so you never have to bathe or touch it)
Halal Blind Guide Dog (dog super-trained to wipe its own saliva, not to lick the Muslim owner, can put on paw gloves by itself, coming soon in the next 1,000 years)
Halal Police Dog (dog super-trained not to lick its Muslim trainer, trainer uses disposable gloves)
Halal Bacon
Halal Vegetarian Mock Pork
Halal 72 Virgins in Heaven

Halal Birthday Cake (@McDonald’s Singapore & Malaysia)
Halal Government Dept/ Bank Counter Pens (disposable after 1 use)
Halal Toilet
Halal Door Handles (with disposable plastic wrap)
Halal Taps (self-cleaning taps with constant flow of water like a urinal)
Halal Clothing (aka Muslimah Fashion)
Halal Fashion (no gay/Jewish fashion designers like CK, MK, Polo, Gap, Levi…)
Halal Swimsuit Contest (fully clothed, no bikini)
Halal Beauty Pageant (no male judges or male audience)
Halal Cosmetics
Halal Cosmetics Counter (no gay or transgender salesperson)
Halal Condom (no they can’t use this)
Halal Blood (from Muslim donors only)
Halal Jokes (no stand-up comedians telling religious/racial jokes)
Halal Water
Halal Beach
Halal Swimming Pool (fully covered for both gender)
Offended by a Cartoonist

Halal Cartoon (no pig or dog cartoons like Snoopy)
Halal Movie (No sex, no kissing, no Valentine’s Day romance, no kalwat scenes, no sexy music or songs, no car chases, no skin, no skirts above knees, no violence, no guns, no f word, no jokes, no cartoons, no swimming, no dancing, no singing, no lottery, no drinks, no smokes, no Escobar, no Ozawa, no Spielberg, no Lagerfield, no Miss Universe, no K-Pop, no crosses, no Christmas, no dogs, no hot dogs, no ghosts, no fantasy, no art, no Ultraman, no gay moments…

But can have a rapist marrying his 12 year girl victim who looks like 18 movie scene, don’t believe click here.

NOTE: Some Muslim Politicians are trying to FOOL the Asian public that Hudud/ Halal labeling/ Sharia laws do not affect NON-Muslims.

Writer: unknown

If you think Halaling Everything has gone too crazy that it has lost its original meaning.



Published by

Robert Chaen

Global CEO-Founder of ChangeU and Movsha Movers & Shakers, Hero-CEO Whisperer, Writer, The #1 Alpha Change Expert, Father of Asian FireWalking Robert Chaen is an International Keynote Speaker, writer, researcher, and corp games designer. He is famously known to be the “Hero-CEO Whisperer”, 1-on1 coaching with many CEOs and Celebrities for corporate strategies, staff & office political issues, personal branding, and even public figure OSHA safety drilling called Drager Defense. He has transformed CEOs and managers in Coca-Cola China, TVB Hong Kong, Cathay Pacific, Hong Kong Airport Services, VADS, TM, Public Bank, Auditor General's Office Maldives, etc. He is the prolific creator and online Author of innovative management tools such as DragonCEO, Diamond Leader, Papillon Personal Effectiveness, OSHA Drager Defense, KPI Bank, etc. He is also the Founder of Movsha, an international networking with monthly mingles with MOVers & SHAkers, Angels, Entrepreneurs, CEOs, Celebrities, HR-PR-CSR, HODs, and the Most Influential IDEA people. ​Chaen is widely considered as one of the top International Platform Keynote Speakers for Resorts World Genting Senior Management Conference (Manila), 7-Eleven HK, Samsung, Coca-Cola China Mini-MBA @Tsing Hua University, Cathay Pacific, Hong Kong Jockey Club, The Story Conference where he interviewed Datuk Kamarudin (Chairman of AirAsia) and Siti Nurhaliza. He has been widely featured in TVB, AWSJ, CNBC, SCMP, The Star, and Sin Chew. As “The Father of Asian FireWalking”, he coached TVB celebrities (Ekin Cheng Yee-Kin) to walk on 650°C fire; and raised HK$68M in the world’s 1st and only live TV Charity FireWalk (TVB Tung Wah Charity Show), before Tony Robbins even came to Asia. If Robert can get you to walk on 650⁰C fire, he can inspire you to be THE BEST. He champions CN-HK-EU-US Tycoons to be philanthropic, and to be angel investors to support the next generation of Jack Mas, Steve Jobs, Richard Bransons, Steven Spielbergs, or Barrack Obamas. With some slick motivational speakers with fake doctorates out there, graduates often describe Robert to be "the most credible, empowering, truthful Coach" who believe in his graduates to believe in themselves. ​However, clients have described Robert as "The #1 Cool Badass Alpha Change Expert". He has the coolest first class stature, rapport and trust from clients. He will not hesitate to tell the badass truth ever so gently because clients are paying him big bucks to reveal the truth, find solutions, persuade the hostile HODs, and align cross-teams within the organization. Originally based in Hong Kong for 20+ years, he had worked with top Branding/Ad agencies at J Walter Thompson and Leo Burnett, and was a certified FranklinCovey (7 Habits) in USA, and NLP MasterCoach (USA). His warmth is known to soften the most hardened, resistant sceptics. He will inspire your team to Go for Top 1, or to be a Dragon CEO. With boundless energies, Robert owns 15+ successful business Joint-Ventures, and created unique products under his global VC network called Chaen's Angels VC. He is deeply passionate about ChangeUTH Youth CSR, Science-Based Medicine (vs. quackery), short films and Reality TV. Touched by a personal tragedy through the loss of his HK-born Portuguese wife, co-coach and business partner, Brenda José of 18 years, Robert explores the many ways in which the spirit world is communicating with the living with real scientific studies and evidence. He gives inspiring conferences on The Secret Afterlife.

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