50 Shades of Circumcision: Don’t try it when you are older

Sarong dress code at University Hospital KL. Nurse strongly advised one week in sarong staying at the office and home alone – no going outside.

Thank God for the safe, steady hands of a good looking Dr. Ling. She was very caring and reassuring. We had a great surgeon-patient bonding conversation for a continuous 50 minutes of circumcision – a surprisingly good distraction.

With 2-4 female nurses assisting or in attendance looking on, it felt like Grey’s Anatomy, but definitely not 50 Shades of Grey haha

Be a man. Do traditional scissors, not laser.

Actually it doesn’t quite matter. The 2 things that matters most are the masterful skills of the surgeon in local anesthetic administration in multiple locations, and beauty-sculpturing skills.

That’s why scissors are better than laser as there’s more control and precision in sculpturing.

BTW, I lost count – there were probably 20 precision multiple-location injections. Yes.

I asked Dr. Ling how many injections she did on me. She avoided the question with a reply “However number of injections needed to not feel anything, right?”.

The weird thing is after the first injection, you’d actually ask the Surgeon for more… until you are 100% damn sure you don’t feel a single thing before the …

She would inject. Then she would move to another area of Prime A real estate, the most sensitive part of the male body , press firmly and hard with both hands, and inject. She ask for your feedback, you say “I can still feel”. She injects again, move to another area, repeats until there was absolutely no feeling at all. Of course, the 3 second pain got less painful after the first 5, by then your own body endorphin kicked in.

Injections were precisely administered in multiple locations in the penis and pubic base area.

Dr. Ling and the key nurse discussed if it (cutting) was beautiful or not (“Cantik, atau tak cantick”). I prayed damn hard and quietly “God, please, please cantik (beautiful)! Take your time, Doc to give my little bro a total make over, Penis 2.0”. Create a sculptured masterpiece like the Statue of David by Michelangelo.

I’m now more concerned when the anesthetic wears out, and the speedy recovery in the harder and longer sequel Circumcision 2.0 this following week or so.

RM100 for minor surgery in circumcision. RM18.25 for antibiotic, pain killers, cream, and a big bottle of saline solution for regular cleaning – very important. Outside private clinic RM300-500 to RM2,000 for full anesthetic operation (I suppose not to feel the multiple injections).

I’m at one, respect, and I FEEL for my Muslim brothers.

Happy Hari Raya Puasa!