Living Brenda’s Destiny: Her Twin-Soul angelic wish came true sooner.   [Twin Souls Part 8]

A380 Airbus – my first
I had been beating myself up since I boarded a brand new A380 Airbus flight from Kuala Lumpur to Hong Kong.

Because I made a firm promise while hugging her closely that I would not let her die…
that I would bring her back to Malaysia to rest and recover.
I ensure her that I can help her find something that she wants to do since she had lots of fan-graduates here. 

I told her to get well, put on some weight, and come back ASAP.

But…I didn’t make good my promise to Brenda to bring her back to Malaysia.
64 days later after our last hug she was dead.
Suddenly new business made me so busy to follow up on her closely.
You have no idea the amount of guilt and regret I had.

I couldn’t forgive myself… how could I?
How could Brenda forgive me for not keeping to my promise I made?

Brenda shared with me that she was extremely unhappy staying with her parents and their manipulative maid.
I myself won’t be happy staying with my parents – they would drive me up the wall.
But sure I love them to death.

Hell conditions at home

Brenda’s Dad is very old, he is 93! He can’t hear well, he is more than ¾ blind.
Because he is quite deaf, he blasts the TV very loud for hours daily.
Every few weeks Brenda and her Dad had yelling matches.
And he gets paranoid, argumentative, stubborn, and self righteous.

Brenda and I had no money after our wedding 1996 and her Dad offered free rent which we were extremely grateful. We slept in a 3 foot wide bed for 9 months.
We were happy, carefree even though we had little money.
Then one day her Dad threw us out because he thought I stole his umbrella. I don’t blame him for his mental capability.

Brenda’s Mum had  5 strokes. It’s a miracle that she can still move around.
She just smiled blankly when she was in the hospital which some of Brenda’s friends thought she was insensitive.
I had to explain that she had 5 strokes and to give her a break.

Two days before coming to Malaysia on 8 October, 2013, she shared with me that she had a good talk with her parents and the maid.
She asked her parents why did they want her to come back to Hong Kong to take care of them and then don’t let her change things e.g. throw away old unused pots, lots of hoarding, repair very old electric sockets, etc.
Don’t only Brenda could not do or change things around the 600 sq.ft. apartment, she was not allowed the freedom to do anything with her tiny 8ft x 8 ft room.
So she stayed inside her bedroom for hours, going out was very expensive. Brenda’s Dad perceived it as she was anti-social.

Her Dad yelled and accused her for not doing anything in the house, or for them.
Brenda had to tell her Dad that everyday she massages her Mum to the point that she could even move/walk better than previous years. Her Dad is quite blind and can’t see what she did for her Mum.
Brenda then told her Dad how thin and unhealthy she was and that the maid did not cook for her. He just wouldn’t believe it.
Brenda grabbed her Dad’s hand to make him feel how skinny she was but he pulled back.

Brenda had gave unconditionally the parents’ maid HK$15,000 (with no expectation of getting back), and her father also gave the maid secretly HK$50,000.

Yet the maid was manipulative, and refused to cook for her!
She would run to Brenda’s father and cry crocodile tears complain that Brenda was bullying her.
She was lazy, was not good at cooking or cleaning.

Brenda will coach her on many dishes and she would conveniently forget.
The maid would cook very bland food for Mum (stroke diet means little or no salt allowed) and was forcing Brenda’s Dad and Brenda to eat the same bland food.

Yet the father would side and protect his maid rather than Brenda.
Brenda’s Dad and Mum were paranoid about losing her.
The maid would quote the Bible, profess her Christian values, and that she has high integrity.
Brenda told her that she was the biggest hypocrite and that Karma will get her.

Not meant to me - Bren

It’s not meant to be, or it’s meant to be ~ Brenda Jose
(Brenda’s most favorite quote reminder to me)

I could have saved her… I lamented for a long time…
I didn’t think she was in such a danger of dying if not I would have drop things to help her… hindsight is 20/20.
After talking to key friends and connecting the dots after she died, in reality her kidney was failing in October when she was in Malaysia.
She was already dying and nobody knew… including her.

A best friend commented to me that she knew she going to die when she saw Brenda in October 2013.
To me it’s BS as neither she or I knew. It’s called hindsight.
Because if the best friend really knew, why didn’t she do something, or at least alert her or me.
I recalled that some close best friends commented that they knew we would get back together after our 2007 separation.
She and I didn’t even know what our future plans were until we decided to get back. In this case maybe they saw patterns of behavior or thinking…OK  I can accept that.

The way she talked to me in October 2013 I didn’t feel any danger that she was leaving us.
I asked her to give back a vintage Rolex watch which was 80+ years old with a very small face very popular those days for men.
But the small face didn’t match the current trend of ultra-big watch faces. So I gave her as a gift.
She responded with an outright no.

There were other comments which felt like she was here to stay for a long time more… no death alert at all.

I had seen her really sick hundreds of times before. She and I were immuned to it.
One time she was only 72 pounds.
It broke my heart to see her so thin.

Reflecting back about my not making  good my promise to bring Brenda to Malaysia, it seriously was not meant to be.
I felt her soul wanted to die in Hong Kong.
I felt she had no meaning or purpose to live after we separated in 2010. She told me so, occasionally after 2010.
The Twin-Soul connection somehow broke apart.

She felt it. I didn’t want to feel it. I just wanted to be alone. She wanted the companionship.

Close friends started to hear her talk that she wanted to be a guardian angel.
In the 2 weeks October 2013 stay at my house, she spoke about when she dies she would not want to reincarnate in a human body.
That she would not come back in human form, but as a guardian angel which she had researched in the 18 years we known each other.

Destiny – Brenda’s Twin-Soul angelic wish came true sooner
So destiny has it that she had her wish to be an angel come true sooner than anyone could have guessed including she and I.
‘Nothing happens by chance. Everything was planned in the heavens.’

It was destiny for me to break my physical promise to bring her back to Malaysia, so that I would not back out for a spiritual promise at the critical moment 64 days later.
It pathed the way for me to make my ultimate promise to both God and her to be her instrument on Earth as her Twin-Soul connection in her last 7 and 3 minutes of her life respectively.
She knew I was very reluctant and I would not promise her unless it was at her death bed.
She would not leave until she got her promise. She knew the Twin-Soul role would be perfect for me too but I didn’t feel that way then.
3 minutes after I made the promise she left us for good – physically…

This article appeared in as 
I didn’t make good my promise to Brenda. 64 days later after our last hug she was dead.

Published: Sunday, 27 April, 2014. 1:35pm.
Updated: Sunday, 27 April 2014. 11:35pm

[Continued in… @Part 9]

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